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Photo: Heather Rice Photography<\/p>\n
On June 26, 2015, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that gay marriage is a right protected by the U.S. Constitution in all 50 states. Prior to their decision, same-sex marriage was already legal in 37 states and the nation\u2019s capitol, but was banned in the remaining 13.<\/p>\n
It seems as if today in the United States the rights of same-sex couples are always changing. Just as we (finally) win our right to marry, we\u2019re faced with backlash and discrimination from both the private and public sectors. It\u2019s no secret that planning a same-sex wedding<\/a> can expose you and your spouse-to-be to the possibility of discrimination. This can be determined by where you live and what kind of wedding you\u2019re planning.<\/p>\n I planned a wedding in New York State and most of my vendors were based in New York City, which meant that for many of them, this was not their first same-sex wedding. Though we raised a few eyebrows, and I had to answer many questions with, \u201cThere is no groom, the other bride\u2019s name is Samantha,\u201d we were met with joy and excitement that felt truly genuine. We know, still, how fortunate we are, and that many couples face just the opposite.<\/p>\n Photo: Rob Spring Photography<\/p>\n Love Your Venue<\/strong><\/p>\n Your venue is the beating heart of your wedding, with your vendors serving as veins and valves and other metaphorical body parts. Select a venue where you feel comfortable, accepted and celebrated. This is good advice for all<\/em> couples. Unless you\u2019re getting married in a private residence, you know that other couples have come before and will come after you at your chosen venue. But during the planning process, right through to the minute you drive away post-wedding, you want to feel like the beloved leaders of a fairytale kingdom.<\/p>\n Vet Your Vendors<\/strong><\/p>\n I\u2019ve read too many stories of the discriminatory baker who wouldn\u2019t bake the \u201cgay wedding cake,\u201d and I\u2019ve watched as these stories propelled unassuming same-sex couples and business owners into the public eye. I can say with certainty that every single time, the couple is humiliated. This is not a feeling we want to recall when we think back on our wedding.<\/p>\n My rule of thumb is ridiculously simple: Look for experience, but also trust enthusiasm. When seeking out photographers, for instance, click on their website and explore their portfolio. Nine times out of ten an LGBT-friendly<\/a> photographer will have a same-sex couple featured on their site. Of course, this isn\u2019t always the case. I often collaborate with creatives who insist they\u2019d love to shoot a lesbian wedding, but they simply haven\u2019t been asked yet.<\/p>\n Photo: Heather Rice Photography<\/p>\n Know Your Worth<\/strong><\/p>\n We can also spin these discriminatory-cake-baker stories and use our \u201cotherness\u201d to our advantage. We had one vendor willing to drop her prices significantly because she wanted us in her portfolio. I reminded my wife of this often, \u201cBabe, we are two women. I\u2019m wearing a custom green wedding gown, you\u2019re wearing Vera Wang, we\u2019re throwing this big expensive weekend in the woods. We are a prize, so let’s behave accordingly.\u201d<\/p>\n State Your Case<\/strong><\/p>\n When choosing our wedding photographer\u2014Heather Waraksa\u2014this was my initial email:<\/p>\n \u201cMy fianc\u00e9e Samantha and I are planning a wedding weekend extravaganza at the beautiful Cedar Lakes Estate next September. We are trying to get on top of some of the planning. As two girls, we both have some strong opinions on this wedding, but so far we\u2019re (surprisingly) seeing incredibly eye-to-eye. My one major concern is photography! I don\u2019t really like the look of most wedding photos, and I\u2019d like something a bit different, specifically someone who can snap those magic moments and make it look effortless. We think your portfolio is incredible and would love to learn more about you and let you learn more about us. Our weekend will include a lakeside BBQ, mountaintop toasts, swimming and sports, vows by the lake, a big reception in a gorgeous barn, and an after-party in the tree house. We think it\u2019s going to be spectacular and we\u2019re looking for the right person to help capture the celebration. If you think you may be interested, and of course, available, we would love to meet you.\u201d<\/p>\n This is essentially the email we sent to every single vendor, with a few tweaks of course. We also created a wedding-only email address: \u201c2Brides2Be.\u201d Our excitement was infectious and we had amazing vendors on board pretty quickly. As is reflective of my personality, I wanted to give plenty of information up front. I wanted potential vendors to know what kind of couple we were and what kind of wedding this was going to be.<\/p>\n Photo: Rob Spring Photography<\/p>\n Be The Change<\/strong><\/p>\n My advice is to be up front about: you as a couple, the wedding you want, and the kind of people you want to work with to make it a reality. There are going to be awkward moments\u2014when I told one dress consultant there would be two brides, she asked if it was a \u201cdouble wedding\u201d\u2014but I\u2019ve never met a single person in a same-sex couple who isn\u2019t used to the occasional awkward moment. I have no problem with those. In fact, I like being able to help others feel comfortable with how to speak to us and become more inclusive in their business practices. If you\u2019re sick of crossing out the word \u201cgroom\u201d then suggest to your vendors, \u201cMaybe you should create documents with alternate wording.\u201d<\/p>\n It\u2019s not that tough to change their forms to read:<\/p>\n Spouse #1 ____________<\/p>\n Spouse #2 ____________<\/p>\n Let\u2019s not be afraid to ask.<\/p>\n Photo: Heather Rice Photography<\/p>\n Excerpted from \u201c2 Brides 2 Be\u201d (Rare Bird Books, 2017), by Laura Leigh Abby<\/a>, available on Amazon.com<\/a>. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Photo: Heather Rice Photography On June 26, 2015, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that gay marriage is a right protected by the U.S. Constitution in all 50 states. Prior to their decision, same-sex marriage was already legal in 37 states and the nation\u2019s capitol, but was banned in the remaining 13. It seems as if Click here to read the rest of this post \u00bb<\/a> […]<\/p>\n![\"Lesbian-Wedding\"](\"https:\/\/staging.weddingsinhouston.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/Longobardo_Gertzog_Rob_Spring_Photography_Inc_0242_low.jpg\")
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